A Plain Jane Wedding by Audrey Ravine

Author:Audrey Ravine [Ravine, Audrey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-02-09T16:00:00+00:00

I hate being the third wheel, or in this case, the seventh wheel.

We’re all gathered around Zac and Tyler’s kitchen table taking shots. My initial plan was to stay sober so I didn’t do anything I’d regret with my “wedding date,” but seeing as he’s not here and I’ll be going solo to the wedding tomorrow, I’m getting shit-faced. One of these fuckers will make sure I get home okay, and if not, that couch over there in the living room looks mighty comfy.

“Alright, y’all, last one then we head out,” Tyler calls out. When she saw how miffed I was about being alone she was all too eager to take on the designated driver position. I could pry into her sudden interest in not drinking or I can take another shot.

“To a life filled with happiness,” I call out going with option B. “Bottoms up.” I hold out my shot glass, every glass clinks to mine before we tap the table and down the hatch. As the amber liquor burns my chest and belly, I turn to Jane and wrap my arms around her neck. “I love you so much. I’m going to miss you while I’m in Virginia.” Stupid fucking Virginia. It was bad enough the first eleven years of my life, the last thing I want to do is go back there. Not to mention, it’s freakin’ morbid as Hell. Going back and staying in my dead dad’s house—the house I grew up in—to sell it now that he’s lying on a coroners table.

I don’t even know why he’s there. He was old and died of a heart attack. Why the need to investigate? Why spend more tax payer’s money on finding out the cause of death for a deadbeat-dad that couldn’t stop spending the rent money on a poker game?

Squeezing Jane to my chest, she grunts with her mouth closed, then takes a drink from her beer to chase the whiskey. “Since when do you need a chaser?” I ask confused while I move back into my own space.

“Since I have the biggest day of my life tomorrow.” Her eyes are flighty, and she won’t meet my gaze.

“Are you pulling a Coyote Ugly?” I stage whisper to over my shoulder at her.

“Am I what?” She lifts an eyebrow.

“Ya know, the movie Coyote Ugly?” I explain and she gives me a blank stare. “Okay, so Violet the leading lady starts working at a super crazy bar named Coyote Ugly. And, on her first night, guys keep buying her shots and she’s getting trashed. She says to another one of the bartenders that she can’t take another shot and finds out the secret to surviving work. ‘Don’t swallow the shot.’ Cami the other bartender tells her to fake the shot and spit it back into the beer bottle. Now, Mrs. Bride-to-be, are you pulling a Coyote Ugly on us? And if so, why?”

“I—no. Tomorrow—” Her shifty eyes flit between the seven of us at the table. Everyone is having their own conversation, and some have already begun putting their jackets on.

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